Every now and then, Eric, my husband and love of my life, will do or say something that just...pisses me off. That's what real life relationships are. Couples disagree, resolve issues, and then--hopefully--continue to be in love. That's what they don't tell you about "Happily Ever After", it's not a constant state of being, and it's sometimes punctuated by infrequent bouts of unhappiness.
After bringing our first daughter into the world, we definitely had issues, or rather the small issues we had before inflated to huge issues. But I found--was forced by my mother-in-law to read--a book that really helped. Usually I stick to fiction reading, but The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book I think everyone should read, whether you're in a happy relationship or one that's falling apart, or even if you're in high school and just starting to explore the dating world. No matter what stage of life you're in, it's important to know yourself. The general premise of this book is that we all experience and give love in different ways. Some people show love by offering affectionate caresses while others show love by buying gifts. Maybe the way you feel love and show love are different. Maybe you show love by saying it, but you feel loved when your mate performs acts of service like keeping the house clean or cooking for you.
My husband was a mystery for me for a long time, little things that I didn't think were a big deal would make him really upset. Like if the living room table was cluttered for a few days, he would get really mad and even offended. This book helped me understand that Eric's love language is acts of service: he shows love by working super hard at his job every day, and if I don't work super hard on things around the house, to him that means I don't love him as much. Finally, it clicked. Since then, I've changed my generally lazy perspective, and we've been a lot happier.
I actually really encourage every high school girl to read this book. When you first start dating, especially with all those hormones coursing through you, things are confusing. I am a firm believing in being honest with oneself and knowing oneself, because you can't really understand anyone else until you understand yourself, and that's the foundation of love.
True love really does exist, but sometimes you just need a translator.
Hello fans! Welcome to my new blog!
For some time now I’ve been considering starting a blog, but I struggled with what exactly my message was. So I delved into the heart of my books, and it dawned on me that the underlying message of my books was the same as the underlying message of my life—that love conquers all. Yes, I know, it sounds corny, but that is the one thing that life has repeatedly taught me, and the one thing that rings true for all of my stories, past, present and future.
So for my first blog post, I’d like to share with you the story of the journey to meeting my husband and soul mate, Eric Barr. From as early as I can remember, I was obsessed with the idea of love. At age three, my best friend and I would re-enact love scenes from Disney movies, alternating who had to be the male paramour and who got to be the princess. And at age four, I had my first of many crushes on a boy named Brett who had cute blond hair and a lisp. Every decision I ever made in my adolescence was ultimately about finding love.
That was, until I got into high school, at which I became obsessed with losing my virginity. I tried and failed several times to give myself to someone just for the sake of having the experience, convinced that the reason I hadn’t found love was that my virginity was getting in the way, because many times the fact that I was a virgin had scared off potential suitors. But even in the moments that things were going my way and it would have been all too easy to have sex, I got scared and messed up the opportunity. I knew that intimacy just didn’t feel right with any of these guys, and it just had to feel right or it wasn’t worth it.
When I got through college and had given up on my quest for love, that’s when I met Eric. He found me drunk on the sidewalk of a party after my most recent near-sex-experience and, like a gentlemen, walked me back to the party. We started out as friends, and I kept him in the friend zone for months because I thought I was done with love. But when it’s real, it’s inescapable and irresistible. It was only when I had stopped looking that I was finally able to see it, and when I realized I was falling in love with him, I fell hard. Because I wasn’t viewing him as a potential mate, I was able to open up to him and be completely honest with him. He knew all of my flaws and quirks—and there are a lot of them haha—and he still loved me.
Now seven years later, we have two beautiful little girls and I couldn’t be happier. Sure, we have our little squabbles now and then, and we struggled hard through a year of my postpartum depression after our first daughter, but always the love has been there holding us together. I have seen my girl friends go through divorces and terrible heartbreaks, and I can’t imagine a stronger or truer love than what I have with Eric.
So, for all you teenage girls out there who rush into sex, please hold out. If it doesn’t feel right, keep waiting and you will find your soul mate. It’s usually when you stop looking for something that it finds you. And sometimes it finds you drunk on the sidewalk.